It took several years for me to say out loud "I am going to go to law school." And it still feels weird. I feel arrogant saying it to people. But it's true. I'm going to law school. Once I finally made up my mind and learned to say it out loud I decided that it would be best if I timed it so that I finished UNCA the same year that Dylan graduated from high school. That way he wouldn't have to change schools and I wouldn't be too pressured to finish in a hurry. I mean, my life at any given moment is like a busy metro station, with people going here and there and a different train departing for a different station every 15 minutes. I really didn't want to feel like I needed to finish school in a hurry.
Well last week my law professor looked at me in sheer exasperation and disbelief rolling his eyes and saying, "Oh no. Seriously? 2015? You need to shorten that up and get out of here." Um, oh, well...I mean, I hadn't really, I just...was gonna. Hmmm. Ok.
So, I changed my tack, just for hypothetical purposes, and re-evaluated my game plan and as it turns out I could probably be done at UNCA by Spring 2013, as in like 19 months from now. WHAT?! It sounds crazy right? It is crazy. But what if I did it?
Well, if I did it the kids would have to change schools. Tayler and Dylan would both have to start a new high school for their junior year, and Daniel would be starting a new middle school. I had to change schools three times before I was in the fifth grade. It was hard. And I always envied my friends who could share stories about our classmates from their kindergarten year. I wanted my kids to have that. I didn't want them to have to change schools. But yesterday at lunch with a local attorney, one of the most brilliant people I know, he pointed out to me that maybe it wouldn't be so bad for the kids to get a chance to expand their worldview for a year or two before they head off to college. And, they're kids. They will adjust. And he's probably right. But try explaining that to a 14 year old who doesn't want to move!
So then I add a whole new layer of guilt to my school journey. As if it's not bad enough that I have to spend so much time away from them every single week going to class and doing homework, now I'm going to uproot them from everything they've ever known for three years so that I can go to college NOW because I'm not patient enough to wait another couple of years??? Well, Mr. Dillard points out, there are several very good arguments for getting on with it. One, I am paying the full fees for school every single year I attend and would actually save some money by shortening things up. And he also suggested that I consider the burnout factor. The longer I force myself to take night classes while working full time, the more likely I am to just fizzle out, or to have some major life event happen that prevents me from finishing. So, he says, "Get on with it."
So, just for kicks today I took a practice LSAT. With no preparation and with a head cold, I managed a 159, which would qualify me for scholarship money at several of the law schools I'm looking at. And I have to admit that that got me kind of excited. What if I prepared for it, practiced some and managed a 170? What if I really am ready to get this show on the road? Will the kids adjust? Will they hate me forever for screwing up their high school years? Should I just wait for their sake and stick to my original plan? These decisions all just feel too big for me to make. I need a fairy godmother to swoop down, wave her magic wand, and make it all work out in a perfect timeline of events that will keep everyone happy and well adjusted. Can you make that happen please?
